Choice

God, you know my innermost heart. You know my physical and spiritual needs and answer them; even before they are even half-formed ideas.

Even so, the dark one, the terror that creeps in at night, the insidious whisper can be more than overpowering.

I am dealing with physical and emotional pain that seems to speak louder than your still, small Voice.

My work with the local animal shelter has been a tangible cornerstone in rebuilding/remembering part of my deepest identity; my empathy; my calling.

Today, while working with the recently impounded cats, I came across one in particular who I honestly couldn’t tell if it was feral; mistreated; or just plain scared.

Before working the impound room, I checked with one of the employees and “verified” that the cats in impound were docile, and could in fact be let out to wander the small impound room while I made sure that each one had fresh food; fresh water; a clean litterbox; and clean, soft, dry bedding.

One of the cats seemed to be completely wild, due to its reactions. So I gloved up (we have protective leather and canvas gloves) and managed to get the cat out of the small cage so I could get it clean and set up.

When I attempted to put the cat back in the cage, its intensity of action ramped up considerably. It whipped its head back and sunk its teeth THROUGH the layers of the glove, and punctured my forefinger.

As the day has gone on, my finger feels like a overstuffed sausage. I visited the ER, at the insistence of the Animal Control Officer, and was given a wide-spectrum antibiotic.

Come Monday, I will know if the cat had rabies.

My temptation is multifold: resenting the employee for lack of adequate warning; me knowing to let the cat alone after the first brief encounter; and my fear of the painful procedures I will have to endure if the cat does turn out to be rabid.

God: I refuse. I refuse to let even the possibility of enduring painful procedures enter into the joy and sense of empowerment I get from the volunteer job. I refuse to lay blame at the employee’s feet. I refuse to waste this weekend worrying.

See in me, and be in me. That’s all I ask. I open my heart to your divine guidance. The dark one’s seditious, malevolent whisperings can, and will, bounce off the shield you have gifted to me.

I accept the gift of this weekend, and choose to involve myself in activities that benefit my deepest secret self, or the needs of others.

I swear this in your Name and Nature, and surrender on bended knee to your still, small, Voice. I will listen for your clarion bell, and look for your lighthouse beacon, and they will guide my footsteps.

Thanks in advance, Big Guy.

Love, your kid.

"Having thus chosen our course, without guile and with pure purpose, let us renew our trust in God, and go forward without fear and with manly hearts."

- Abraham Lincoln